Psychoanalyzing “I Love You, Honeybear” for Its 7 Year Anniversary

I Love You, Honeybear, an album that transformed Father John Misty from some Fleet Foxes drummer to a mythical frontman, turns 7 today. To celebrate, I decided to psychoanalyze this amazing record.

Released on February 6, 2015, I Love You, Honeybear seems like another saccharine album about love. But after painstakingly going through every song, I discovered it’s a bit more nuanced than that—it’s about how culture and our insecurities shape and twist how we view love. 

I see I Love You, Honeybear as a piece of fiction. At least, that’s how I interpret it in my analysis. However, I do believe it is based on real-life events. In other words, this album is not so much about the real Misty but rather the character. I also believe the narrator (for lack of a better word) is ultimately unreliable. This may be a cop-out to contextualize misogynistic elements found in songs like “The Night Josh Tillman Came to Our Apt.” as not misogynistic; however, Tillman has been publicly vocal of his dislike of that song, especially to its reception. Personally, I think he dislikes how his audience interprets it literally, and I don’t believe it is meant to be taken that way. I explain my reasoning below and won’t talk about it here. With that said, we have two choices. Either he’s a misogynistic douchebag or a self-aware writer who creates complex characters.

Of course, my analysis of this album is not meant to be taken as absolute—take it with a grain of salt. If you still want to read my rantings and find out how I misuse the psychoanalytic lens, please continue on. 

“I Love You, Honeybear”

The title track juxtaposes anxious feelings caused by the world (ie. economic crashes, death, mental illness, and general malaise) with the euphoric limerence of a new whirlwind relationship. The line in the last chorus, “But everything is fine / Don’t give in to despair,” gives this song a bit of depth and hints that love can be somewhat delusional—in this case, protective from the darker aspects of the world (or maybe just Father John Misty’s cynical worldview). And maybe he has some anxious attachment issues? I don’t know, but there is something there. Interestingly enough, the music video shows a woman (possibly) overdosing, which could be foreshadowing an event in another song.


“Chateau Lobby #4 (In C for Two Virgins)”

The second single from I Love You, Honeybear contains vignettes that were inspired by Father John Misty’s relationship with his wife Emma while they were living in Los Angeles, CA. And the song title is a reference to Leonard Cohen’s “Chelsea Hotel #2” and John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s experimental album Unfinished Music No.1: Two Virgins, two pieces of music that are about sex—Cohen’s song is about sexual liaison in a hotel, and Ono and Lennon’s track was supposedly written right before they had sex. And this track is basically about being in a new whirlwind relationship and the sexual energy that comes with it. This track also contains a fine glaze of Misty’s sardonic humor with phrases like “Lift up your wedding dress someone was probably murdered in.” “Chateau Lobby #4 (In C for Two Virgins)” is definitely the most fun song from this record in that twisted Father-John-Misty way. 

“True Affection”

This third track from I Love You, Honeybear is an outlier sonically from the rest of the album. The electronic-heavy production is meant to thematically fit with the lyrics. The lines “When can we talk with a face? Instead of using all these strange devices” highlight the alienating effects of technology, which heavily resonates in 2022 due to the domination of Zoom and dating apps. Although it contains interesting word painting (a composition technique that reflects the lyrical meaning of the song) this song, to me, is the weakest of the album since it's repetitive and simplistic—although this could be by design to illustrate how electronic devices can be inorganic and empty as the repetitiveness does feel binary in a way. 

“The Night Josh Tillman Came to Our Apt.”

This track can be read in two ways (maybe more but I will only look at two). Taken at face value, the song is about a woman (possibly Emma, possibly not) whom Misty dislikes because he thinks she is vapid and superficial. So he puts this woman down vaingloriously because of it. However, his misuse of the word malaprop in the line “She says, like, literally, music is the air she breathes / And the malaprops make me want to fucking scream / I wonder if she even knows what that word means” shows that it’s the narrator who is superficial and shallow because he uses malaprop as, well, a malaprop. It’s pretty clever if that is Misty’s intention. In essence, the narrator here is projecting his own ineptitude onto this unknown woman and has zero self-awareness of it. The music video does have him making out with himself, possibly to show that he is full of himself. A bit more complexity is added when Misty sings “She blames her excess on my influence / But gladly hoovers all my drugs” because this shows how both parties deflect responsibility for parts of themselves they do not want to own (or at least don’t understand), adding more nuance to the song. However, Misty might be an unreliable narrator here, so this line can be read as trying to deflect attention from himself. The disdain and lack of vulnerability of this track run counter to the themes of the first few songs from the record. However, with the proximity to “True Affection,” this track can be interpreted as saying technology may not be the only source of disconnect between people. Our own issues and hubris can be a source of disconnect and alienation as well. Or maybe he’s just an idiot. 

“When You’re Smiling and Astride Me”       

“While You’re Smiling and Astride Me” contrasts the previous track much like how blue contrasts red, taking us from pettiness to vulnerability. Instead of projecting fears or creating distance by pushing someone away emotionally, this track shows it’s best to truly see the other person and be seen by them. It shows that Misty has found a true and healthy connection and feels safe enough to share his most intimate (and a bit disturbing) thoughts like “kissing his brother in his dreams” or telling her about “finding God knows what in my jeans.” It’s definitely the sweetest and most sincere song of the bunch, and even Misty’s iconic sardonic wit is subdued because of it.

“Nothing Good Ever Happens at the Goddamn Thirsty Crow”

The album takes a dark turn here, as it exposes Misty’s insecurities. In his own words, this song is about an insecure part of himself that is a “petulant imp who is objectifying the woman he claims to love.” And objectifies her he does, referring to Emma as a “blowup doll” and getting jealous of anyone who talks to her. I mean, in a way control is a way to avoid vulnerability. Interestingly, Misty also likens Emma’s writing to Russian Romanticism. This can work as a compliment but also may be a meta-reference to the album and Father John Misty himself. A big development in the Romanticism movement was the creation of the Byronic Hero, a sort of anti-hero who is rebellious, dark, and self-conscious (to the point of self-sabotage) who has a dark past and often rejects the standards of society. This sounds a lot like the character in this album. In addition, Russian Romanticism often explored dualities and the tensions they caused such as society vs. self, day vs. night, etc. And I Love You, Honeybear can be very much described as an album that explores dualities and it is “romantic” in a sense. I may be reading a bit too much into it, but this analysis just seems to make sense.

“Strange Encounter”

Much like “The Night Josh Tillman Came to Our Apt.,” this track is also about a random hookup. However, this encounter takes a turn when the woman he “encounters” overdoses and loses consciousness. While attempting to resuscitate her, he gets the stark realization this isn’t the life he wants to live anymore and sings “Wanna find someone / but not like this.” This track possibly could be a continuation of TNJCOA since the woman in that track is also doing drugs with Misty. This song inevitably is the consequence of Misty issues and insecurities. The line “So free and too easy” could mean he is coming to the realization that although he wants connection, his wild ways may be an unconscious way to avoid the hard work of vulnerability, and “free” can imply not having roots. But I can see how this could be a stretch. However, sex and drugs are often used to numb our emotions and, in essence, disconnect us from ourselves and others, and this song does show the end result of taking those vices too far. However, Misty’s insecurities come at a cost. Although the woman regains consciousness and doesn’t die, he realizes they will be both scarred for life because of this ordeal.

“The Ideal Husband”

“Ideal Husband” is a cathartic piece about coming to terms with a dark past—or the shadow self if you will. I also think this song works as a foil to “When You’re Smiling and Astride Me” and “Strange Encounter” by illustrating that to be truly vulnerable you ultimately have to show and understand those dark and selfish parts of yourself, which is something Misty has been avoiding until now. It’s also interesting that he shows up at his lover’s home drunk and high at 7 am, possibly to show that this moment happens right after the overdose from the last song. I mean it is placed right after “Strange Encounter,” so it makes sense.

“Bored in the USA”

The lead single was inspired by Springsteen’s “Born in the USA,” a song that explores working-class struggles in America. Unlike Springsteen’s track, Misty’s song hones in on bourgeois, middle-class life and how it shapes us negatively. Still, even though some might think middle-class life is comfortable, the expectations and norms of living such a life still come with its own problems. As we know from Karl Marx, alienation is a major problem within our capitalistic structure, and the middle class is not immune.

“Holy Shit”

This track takes material from the last song, but instead of taking a macro view, Misty sings about how those things affect him at an individual level. According to Tillman, he wrote this song on his wedding day so it makes sense why this song is near the end of I Love You, Honeybear. Because of the song’s placement and Misty’s comments on the track, I think this track signifies Misty's acceptance of culture’s emptiness and of his fears. The last verse “Oh, and love is just an / institution based on / human frailty … What I fail to see is / what's that gotta do / with you and me” corroborates this analysis. Logically, Misty understands the system we live in is a fake construction. Despite that, love and marriage were created from a very real biological drive. In short, Misty, like everyone else, needs love. 

“I Went to the Store One Day”

The final track from the album serves as a bookend. It describes the first time Tillman and his wife Emma met, cleverly weaving the couple's past, present, and possible future. I think Tillman is trying to capture how one insignificant day and the random decision to go to the store one day ended up defining the rest of his life. In a lovely way, it shows we aren’t in control of our lives like we think and that isn’t entirely a bad thing. If “Strange Encounter” is the yin of lack of control, I would say “I went to the Store One Day” is the yang.